my little hater

a lot of people talk about writers block or tips and tricks to get started writing. my favorite to tell my students: explain your research like you're talking to someone on IM. We exchanged a lot of those tips and tricks when me and my classmates were in the midst of writing our masters thesis. but honestly, once i got into the thick of the paper, i couldn't stop writing it. any spare moment between classes was an opportunity to get a sentence down, it just felt so right.
but when I don't have some all consuming topic to write about, it's so much harder. and i don't think i've heard anyone explain that barrier to getting started better than jay smooth at ill doctrine when he talks about the little hater. so what better way to come back from a blogging desert than to tell all of you about my little hater?
for example. I've had about seven blog post ideas lined up in the drafts section of my blog. I've sat down and looked at them and just thought to myself: I don't feel like writing any of these right now. and when i examined that, there were more voices in my head telling me that it wasn't current any longer, or i just wouldn't get it right. that's the perfectionist part right there: i just wouldn't get it right. and even worse, someone might come out and tell me that.
another part of my little hater tells me that my creative side isn't important. I mentioned to my husband the other day that I miss the days when I was enrolled in a poetry writing class, when i could tell the rest of the world to shove it because I've got a poem to finish in two days and crafting this poem may take many many hours. i could just enroll in another poetry writing class somewhere, to impose external deadlines upon myself but I'd like it if I still wrote because I love it and not becuase someone else expects me to do so. it doesn't help that I have a real job now with real responsibilities and real demands on my time.
blogging feels like a quick fix for me and I'd really like to put my effort into some research writing and poetry. I want to be a physicist poet!

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