this is the mess that's been driving me crazy lately. this is the external mess I am obsessing over becuse I'm anxious about the end of the school year and my final exam, but most of all the stress of review week when the only thing my students want are the answers to the exam.
this is the external mess I am obsessing over because it is easier than thinking about how socially awkward I am, or the loneliness that comes from that. easier than continuing to blame myself for every little thing that goes wrong in my life. and wow, do I wish I could stop doing that. it's exhausting to be responsible for everything that's not right. I think I only recently realized that not everyone blames themselves for the same things I blame myself for.
so I'm going to focus on this mess instead.
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